To my soon to be adult child(ren)

You are a teenager on the edge of independence, almost ready to leave the comfort and safety of the nest. You can see the freedom of the world outside and long to enjoy all life has to offer.

To you, my protection has sometimes felt like a straight jacket, because you can’t feel my arms in the sleeves hugging you. You don’t see the detours I know are there. You don’t have the wisdom of my years of life experience to warn you of dangers around the corner.

I know because of the unique challenges our family has faced, you are much wiser than your years. But you are still young, and that emotional maturity cannot replace life experience.

I challenge you, as you prepare to make your own way in the world, to remember these 5 things:

1. Everyone has something to offer.

No matter how young or old, everyone has had some experience that you haven’t. They can offer you a different perspective on life or share a unique tidbit of wisdom that nobody else can. It could be the innocent view of a child, untouched by a cynical world, or the calm patience of someone who has learned to stop and savor each moment.

2. Choose your friends wisely.

You can be friendly without getting too close. Don’t trust until you know someone is trustworthy. Don’t follow the crowd because it’s easier than making your own decision. Make sure your friends are a good influence on you, and you are a good influence on them.

3. Don’t give too much of yourself.

It is important to be a good friend and to give back to society. Just be sure you don’t give to the point that there is nothing left. Protecting yourself from harm is just as important as giving and doing good. If you can’t function, how will you be able to serve others?

4. Do what brings you joy and peace.

Do you enjoy drawing? Then grab your sketch pad a few times a week and get lost in the art. Does music calm you or lift you up? Make sure to take a few minutes every day to listen to some favorite songs. Whether your passion lies in animals, dancing, baking, or playing an instrument or a sport, make time for it regularly. This is what takes you from being alive to really living.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask questions.

The only stupid question is the one that you already know the answer. It is easier to ask or answer a question than to fix a mistake. If someone thinks less of you because you asked, they are the one with the problem. Know that they are not wise enough to help you learn, and move on. Never lose your thirst for knowledge.

I can see you becoming a fine young adult with a faith and compassion that are not common in our world. I love you and am beyond proud to have had a hand in shaping who you are. You are a precious child of God and many, many people care about you.

Don’t ever lose the spark that makes you uniquely you.

Photo credit http://elderberry.blogspot.com

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Hey Mama

Hey, mama. Yes, you with the sleeping child. The child you just comforted enough to relax and sleep in spite of the pain. The sick child.

We’ve been there. One day your child is healthy, the next day they have a fever. One day they are playing, the next they have lost their appetite and every ounce of “endless” energy. One day they are exploring their world, the next all they want is you. Mama.

Having a sick child is a game changer. Cleaning is unimportant. Laundry can sit unwashed. Dinner may be late, and will not be what you are used to. Those bills will have to wait. Your sick child needs you. 


We get it. You have to take care of your child. You love and care for them, nurture them, and teach them to become independent.

Suddenly they don’t need to hold your hand. They don’t want help carrying their science project. I can manage my own gear, thank you. Can I go to the party if I’m home by midnight?

But tonight they are your sick baby. You would move heaven and earth to heal them. You would change places with them in a heartbeat. It tears you apart, and you are exhausted. 

You can’t take away the pain. You can’t give them back their energy and appetite. You are helpless, reduced to giving comfort and praying. And trying not to let them see how concerned you are, because that’s your job. Mama is supposed to make everything better. But it consumes you, because a kiss won’t make it all better. 

It doesn’t matter what is wrong or how old they are. It could be the sniffles or a major illness. Teething or surgery. A fever or a severe, debilitating disease. They may be six months old or 22 years. We understand. We’ve been there.

If you are among the fortunate majority, recovery will be quick. Your child will soon be running, jumping, eating and playing again. When this happens, be thankful. Because not every mama bear gets to see their cub get better. Some cubs stay sick. 

If you haven’t been there, count your blessings. Too many of us have. 

Blessings in Disguise

We’ve all heard the saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” People keep saying it because it’s true.
For over a year now, I’ve been trying to make a certain change in my life that just wasn’t happening.  For one reason or another, God kept closing doors. The one time it seemed to be an urgent need, He provided another solution to the urgency. Because of this, I have been patient, looking for solutions regularly.
Recently a solution practically fell in my lap.  Through a course of events, and a little nudging from the Holy Spirit, my son was the broker for an act of kindness that our family gave to one of his friends. Although it was not a big deal for us, it meant a lot to the friend.  What I didn’t realize was that it would turn into a big deal for us, providing a solution to that year-long quest. 
After we made the initial gesture to the friend, I felt God telling me to take it one step farther. This next step was one that most people would think is completely illogical, but I trusted God. During that conversation with the friend, we both cried, hugged and talked about options. Immediately I felt a sense of peace that I haven’t felt in a long time.
She accepted the offer, and in doing so managed to open that door that had remained closed for so long. There is one other step to take before we can walk through that door, but God has already shown me the way to navigate that brief delay.
By doing what I thought God was telling me to do for someone else, He provided me with a blessing I have waited for over a year.

The Blog is named Random Thoughts after all…

Don’t you hate it when you can’t tell if you have a cold or allergies?

Blogging isn’t nearly as much fun when you have to write for work about a subject you’re not terribly excited about. It’s also no cake walk when you want to put something on your own blog but also want to submit it to a blog where you guest write on occasion.

When you’re having a heated debate on Facebook, it’s not very productive to play grammar police with the other person. Unless you are just trying to make them angry…

Why does your boss always want something big right at the end of the day when you’re anxious to leave, but totally ignores you when your evening is free?

Why does your brain leave the building when you have a new relationship?

Don’t you hate it when you’ve just gotten comfortable then you realize you need to use the restroom?

Have you ever had so many thoughts you wanted to share that you knew your Facebook friends would think you were nuts so you wrote a blog post about a bunch of random thoughts?

To my son’s first girlfriend 

I wasn’t ready for you. I was just getting used to him driving and working. He’s not even close to being independent. I know that is supposed to be the goal, but deep down I have to admit I don’t want it. 

I have always told my kids they are growing too fast. I imagine most parents feel that way. Those feeling are purely selfish. The goal of every young person is to have the freedom of being independent, even if they don’t understand the responsibility that comes with it. 

He seems to think I don’t like you. That’s not the case at all. I don’t know you very well, but what I know is a sweet, likable girl who happened to catch the eye of my first baby. That is hard for me to swallow. 

 

Wasn’t this just last week?

 
My job as a mother is to protect and nurture my kids, and teach them to be responsible, caring adults who love God and family. So far I think I’ve managed to do that, even if my ways are not the most conventional. Yes, things have happened that were beyond our control, but I was there to pick up the pieces when our world was turned upside down. 

Of course, I want to guard my son’s heart. It’s only natural. It’s hard for me to let go and allow him to make his own choices. I’m trying very hard to offer advice without telling him what to do.

I’m glad he is comfortable enough with me to talk about you in ways most teens wouldn’t share with their parents. He knows I won’t judge or jump to conclusions. He also sees the value of lessons I learned by making bad choices when I was young. 

I hope I have a chance to spend time with you soon, just the two of us. I would like to get to know you myself, instead of just hearing what he thinks of you (which seems to be all good, by the way). If you’re lucky I may tell you some of the cute things he did when he was little. I may even show you some of those embarrassing pictures every parent seems to have. 

What am I doing here?

This week I had my first experience as part of the creative team for a community theater production. I joined the table read (just what it sounds like) of a play that was just cast. A few times I helped by reading stage directions, but I am not particularly cut out for that sort of thing.

I am looking forward to this challenge, but at the same time I am a little intimidated. This is the first time that so much of the lighting design has been my responsibility. I have a co-designer, who is also the stage manager, but her help will mostly be hanging and focusing the light fixtures.

The talented cast jumped right into character with no prompting from the director. Soon we were all laughing. I decided I need to watch several rehearsals. Not only do I need to observe blocking and other details important to light design, but I need to be able to watch the show without falling out of my chair laughing. I am also running sound and lights when the show is performed.

I can’t wait to get into the meat of this project. I will be challenged and maybe a bit overwhelmed, but mostly grateful for the chance to stretch my creative wings.

Any tips or suggestions will be gratefully accepted.

Chemo times 2

Some of you have asked about my kids being on chemo. They don’t have cancer, they have juvenile arthritis. JA can cause excruciating pain and deformalities, steal childhoods, bankrupt families, destroy marriages, cause blindness, and even kill. Although for different reasons, the difficulties my family has faced are not unlike the problems of cancer families, but without the public awareness.

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The public’s knowledge and perception of cancer and juvenile arthritis is a touchy subject for the JA community. We know that arthritis can be just as life altering, if not as deadly, as cancer. We also know the general population is not aware of the similarities. It is hard to educate without sounding like whiny, self absorbed divas who want special treatment for their kids.

While both diseases have periods of remission and risk of recurrence, one way or another cancer treatment usually has an end. For many JA patients, treatment is a never ending battle. I have heard heartbreaking stories of JA children who shared infusion rooms with cancer patients and constantly asked their parents when it would be their turn to ring the bell announcing the end of their treatment. For them there is no end.

The mortality rate for cancer is definitely higher. I am thankful that I have not watched my child deteriorate, knowing there would be no recovery. My heart aches for parents who have lost a child. Even in remission, recurrence is a continuing threat. Parents of JA kids in remission have that same fear.

A friend of mine shared recently that her daughter was in remission. I joked that she was asking for trouble. A few days later she was back at the hospital. I felt bad, like it was somehow my fault, though I knew it wasn’t. That friend doesn’t blame me, but the pain is still there. JA parents hurt when one of “our” kids suffers, and we rejoice together on good days.

I won’t pretend to understand what it is like to have a child with cancer. But I do know what it is like to have a child in ICU, their sibling wondering whether they will recover. Both my kids have lived that hell on earth.